*Note* This is a rough
piece. I considered editing it to make it prettier. I decided to just go with
my initial write up because I wanted it to be my pure thoughts and instincts.
To that end, I apologize for any disconnect in the words.
I’ve been putting off
writing this because I wanted to organize my thoughts and figure out what I
wanted to say. The truth of the matter is that I’m still not sure what to say.
There are several reasons why I don’t know what to say. Small ones like, I’ve been
watching this problem as a straight white guy sitting in the bleachers. I can
see it going on, I know it’s a problem, but it’s never really hit me. I’m not
even in the splash zone. The closest I’ve ever come is the one time a hotel
manager almost didn’t let me and a friend have the room we’d reserved because
for a short time he thought we might be gay. But that entire event lasted less
than a minute or two.
A big part of the problem
for me is that I don’t understand racism and bigotry. I mean, I understand they
exist, I understand they’re real. I understand they’re awful. I just don’t
understand why anyone would do it. There are tons of reasons you’re going to be
angry with people, why you’d pick the color of their skin, the gender they’re
attracted to, their religion, or anything that literally only effects them, I
just don’t understand.
I follow a lot of
internet geek culture and I see rises in anger over properties and events that
seem to come from people being upset by any of these things. It’s easy to say,
“because the internet,” but I don’t really think it explains anything.
For me my exposure to
gaming has always opened my eyes to other people. It least it’s always felt
that way. I like reading about other cultures, people, and ideas. I love sitting
at the table with someone with a different perspective. So when I see people
get mad at the inclusion of these perspectives I don’t understand.
Why does everything have
to be me? Why do ALL of the characters have to reflect me? I don’t think they
do. It’s nice to have a couple that look like me. Maybe it’s because I’m fat. I
always liked being able to create heavy character in character creators to look
more like I do. Maybe that’s why I can appreciate when someone else likes to
see themselves in games and others don’t have the same reaction.
Something I’ve been
thinking about for a while is how angry people in my hobbies get at shows like
the Big Bang Theory. They don’t like it because of how it makes geeks and geek
culture look. Those guys are caricatures of us. I’ve never met anyone that was
that socially incapable of existing. Some of the people I see online who hate
that show love Orphan Black for depicting board gaming correctly. They loved
various episodes of South Park for its hobby and culture references. I still
hear people quote, “How do you kill that what has no life?”
Why there are people who
have those reactions and then can’t understand why someone would get excited to
see Black Panther, Captain Marvel, or Batwoman. Why they get mad when a woman
is chosen as a mascot, or a character is redesigned to appeal to young women is
frustrating. To then see these same people take that a step further and be mad
about voting, jobs, politics, and so many other things based on race, gender,
and sexual attraction is mind boggling to me.
Is the problem that they
started small and worked their way up? Is that what it is? Today they’re mad at
Black Panther, tomorrow they’ll hate affirmative action, and then they’ll
decide all black people are looking for handouts? Are those the steps? Is that
it?
I just don’t know.
I’m on the verge of
giving up trying to figure out what’s going on. I want people to be better. I
want all of us to do better. I look around and I see the riots that are going
on right now and I see the riots of the past reflected in them. I see pieces of
Ferguson, Charlotte, Boston, and Los Angeles; all of the riots that I remember
being covered in the news throughout my life. I’m sure there are more that I’m
not remembering. I’m sure there will be more before it’s over.
I see us taking these
same steps again and again. I see people in the media making statements about
who is to blame, how we’re supposed to protest, and what is and isn’t
appropriate. Actually, that’s incorrect. I’ve never seen anyone in the media
talk about how people should correctly protest racism. Only how everyway
someone does it is wrong.
I’m scared, frustrated,
and angry. I’ve been that way for a while now. I want it to stop. I want us to
be better. I just don’t know if we ever will be. I don’t know if we’ll ever see
peace. Most likely not in my lifetime. Probably not in my nieces.
People are just too angry
to move on. We need to get over the racism, hatred, and bigotry. We need to let
them go, learn to be better people, and stop hating people because of the color
of their skin, religion, gender, and sexual preferences. We need to let people
be people without piling a ton of bullshit in their way for being different
than us.
We need to do better.
I’m not sure if any of
this makes sense or means anything to anyone. I’m not sure if this isn’t just
me rambling on for nearly two pages and hoping it’s comforting to someone. I
think I wrote this to make myself feel better as much as anything else. I do
hope that someone who reads this will feel better knowing that at least one
more person is on their side.
I’m just not sure if it
helped me.
Until next time, be safe
and be well.
*Note* As I was getting
ready to post this the news and reaction to removing the confederate flag
happened. I keep thinking of something my grandmother Dorothy used to say. She
was from the south and had a very strong opinion about the confederacy. It was
for idiot white people who were convinced that they’d all be sitting on the
front porch of their very own plantation sipping mint julips if they just hadn’t
lost the civil war. I think my family is a lot of the reason I am the way I am.
I love them for that.
